As I was staring at the blank space that became this sentence the narrator in an audiobook I was listening to said “The Japanese word for Purpose translates to ‘that which I wake up for’.”
I love it when things like that happen – when your thoughts and actions seem to coincide perfectly to support exactly what you need to do. It feels like magic is happening. It sometimes feels a bit scary – like I’m not in charge of my own life and some other force is running the show without my permission.
I think these things happen more and more when you are ‘on purpose’. I have known for some time now that whilst I have a number of things in my life that I value, being a Sobersista and supporting the amazing women in my groups is the purpose that makes me feel like ‘this is what I wake up for’.
Being sober makes me feel alive, more alive than I have ever felt in all my 50 odd years of living on this rock. I’ve had two amazing kids, I’ve travelled, I’ve done interesting work, I have made big decisions that have totally changed my life but nothing compares to the surety and confidence I now have in myself as a sober woman.
I know that I will never drink again. Not because ‘if I had one drink I would be back on it’ or ‘I’m sure I can moderate now’ – I will never drink again because I just love how I feel without alcohol in my body. Having this realisation has supported some brilliant life choices that I’ve made and it’s helped me realise my purpose.
I know if you’re at the beginning of your journey this may sound and feel too big to get your head around so keep reading and I will pose a question or two later that might help stimulate your thinking.
Why have a Purpose?
I know it can sound too grandiose, too much, too big for you to think about living your life on purpose. We aren’t brought up to think that way. The majority of us are raised to follow set patterns of life, work and relationships in order to fit in and be acceptable in society.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with living a good, productive life within societies boundaries. It’s what keeps society functioning. However, it can equally be true that it stifles our ability to live a life that is truly fulfilling.
I knew as a child that there were two things I loved to do – helping others and writing. Neither of these things occurred to me as something I could do for a living. Helping others was too wooly and big a concept and every time I tried to narrow it down I found myself nowhere. As to the writing – how many people really earn a good living from writing? Certainly when I considered it many years ago it was very few.
Today, this is how I spend a significant amount of my time. Writing and helping women get and stay sober.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not sustaining me financially yet, but I love it so much that I am willing to work full time to support myself and do this in my spare time.
And that’s the point – if I had money, I would do this. If I didn’t need money and could just live – I would do this. The minute I don’t need to work I will stop so I can do this more. This is my purpose and my passion.
Sobersistas came to me sort of by accident. I was looking for women like me to talk to and couldn’t find a forum that suited. As soon as Sarah said ‘well, create something yourself’, I knew in my heart and soul it was the right thing to do. Obviously, I had no idea that it would grow in the way it has but I know no matter how big it gets I will always be happy to serve, to learn more about the topic and to help as many women as possible. Even if Facebook becomes obsolete (!!!) I will find another way to help women who want to give up.
Hopefully, with a little prompting, we can work together to help you find your purpose without leaving it to chance.
Here are some quick questions to get you thinking:
- What are you doing when you lose track of time and forget to eat?
- If money was not a factor, what would you spend all day happily doing? Is that your purpose?
- What effect does drinking alcohol have on your purpose?
It’s a BIG Ask
I know that getting you to think about finding your purpose when you are so focussed on giving up alcohol can feel like a distraction or even too big a topic to contemplate right now. I understand.
But. If you have even the twinkle of an idea then perhaps this can be your motivation to stay sober? Maybe taking one action that contributes to your purpose is one of your sober stepping stones, or even a way of successfully handling your triggers and cravings?
It’s Worth It
The early part of giving up alcohol is all about the practical stuff, detoxing, managing your triggers, creating a new daily routine, but this passes relatively quickly.
Once the alcohol is out of your system and you are feeling more clear headed, for me it’s a waste of sobriety not to do something useful with your time. If you maintain exactly the same lifestyle as you had when you were drinking you will increase your chances of returning to drinking.
Changing your life so that you are living it ‘on purpose’ means that you are guaranteeing that alcohol no longer needs to play a part in your life because you are too busy living a great one.
Change the World
The world needs us to have the clarity of mind to guide our children into the future, to do work that makes someone else feel good and to be fearless women who know alcohol for what it is. It’s time to change the world.
With love always, Jules xxx
P.S. In Sobersistas Sacred Circle this month we are exploring our Purpose in depth. If you’d like to join our small but perfectly formed group of Sobersistas doing the deep work on themselves you can find out more here: Sacred Circle